with the impending implementation of age verification that would alter not only the very fabric of the internet itself but also the fundamental nature of my presence here, me processing the potential to lose access to lifelong friends and a lifelong dream and passion, i feel as if i am developing a sort of psychosis
like i feel like the gravity of the situation and what is at stake has not fully taken hold, or at least, it hasnt smacked me in the face yet
cuz whether i like to admit it or not, the internet has been a fundamental part of my life for the past two plus decades; the moment i first experienced the internet in the early 2000s (i was late to the party), i knew it was somethin' special
it didnt feel like today where everything and everyone is up in your shit at every wakin' moment, it felt like an interconnected labyrinth of peoples weird lil worlds that you could pay a visit to, if you were willin' to look
it was like bein' a digital nomad explorin' a vast uncharted landscape full of little signs of civilization, not bustling cities but more like personal refuges; like stumblin' into somebodies workshop and seein' what they were last workin' on
it might sound lonely but if you would keep up with certain sites or communities, youd join their culture, and youd feel that little spark of human connection; a lil lightbulb that turned on and said "i was here and you were too"
i could rag on the modern internet ad nauseum but ill keep it short: the internet, even though not in person, has always been about connection... and now they are tryna implement roadblocks to that connection
so... why am i not panicking?
is it that lack of in person-ness subtly unconsciously devaluing the connections i have made?
is it because i am nearly powerless to do something about it?
is it because, like a dying person, i am just tryna live the last few months of it in the best way i can before the untimely end?
maybe it is a little bit of all of these things (or none of them), hell the powerlessness thing may not even be totally true
we are still early days in the announcement of this bullshit bureaucracy and, like with many other things that seem hopeless currently, the people are standing up and fighting back, we just arent being shown it because the modern internet has been poisoned by greed
i... am just tired. so tired.
the terror campaign imposed on us seems like it has been ramped up and is eroding everything beautiful and free about this world. i look at blue of the sky, hear the birds in the trees, feel the wind on my face, and laugh with the friends i have made countries or continents away and just wonder what kind of monster is so willing to do harm to any of that
i know life changes and i know i can deal with any change that comes and i am probably subconsciously preparin' for that
but in the meantime, i will laugh with my friends and practice my art, and make the time we have worth it and, even if the worse should come to pass, i will find a way to restore what was taken, by any means necessary
cuz just some thangs are worth fightin' for, they are also worth celebrating, ie, livin' for